Many Catholic parents are frustrated about their adult children’s behavior or about decisions to stop going to church. What can they do? Praying for adult sons and daughters in an enlightened way is a good beginning. Here are six lessons we have learned.
First, it is never too early or too late to pray for them. Prayer unleashes the Holy Spirit’s power in ways we don’t always understand. We connect ourselves to the strength of God’s love for them and let the Holy Spirit handle the results. And also, seeking Jesus’ wisdom about our sons’ or daughters’ lives, their difficulties or needs, is a lifelong calling.
Second, ask God, the Father, to intervene in a son’s or daughter’s life, especially if their situation is out of synch with the message of God’s love, our redemption in Jesus, and the teaching of the Church. The Father is concerned about their well-being even more than we are. God is already at work in their lives. We need to ask for eyes to recognize God’s presence.
Third, ask God to send the Holy Spirit as a guide. If our adult children are baptized, they have already been immersed in the life and love of God. But they may not be aware of the presence of the Spirit or how to tap into the power and direction that the Spirit wants to provide. We can pray, “Come, Holy Spirit, help me and my son/daughter _________ to meet you as a living person and to follow you!”
Fourth, ask for the gift of peace-filled understanding. It is a rare adult son or daughter who can accept a parent’s unsolicited advice about their lives and problems without feeling threatened. So, first, we must let go of our opinions and the desire to solve their problems. Our goal is to offer our children to Jesus and let him do the “heavy lifting.” Then we will have the peace to listen.
Fifth, ask for God’s help to choose one issue in his or her life to pray about. If we find ourselves worrying, let go of knowing God’s whole plan for them. Let go of the way their needs may be tangled up with our own. Pray regularly for just one concrete need that he or she has expressed.
Sixth, speak and act in ways that affirm a son or daughter. Ask respectful questions that will yield a better understanding, such as “Could you tell me more about…?” or “Have you ever thought about…?” Act or serve in ways that reflect God’s love and that utilize the fruits of the Holy Spirit—peace, joy, patience, and understanding. These fruits of the Spirit may not always come naturally; we may need practice.